2 am knock at the door
I open it and
there she is again
haggard sorry ass corpse of a woman I used to know
Shit man, leave me alone
but before I can close it she pushes past me and flops down on the bed
The bed, our bed
This ain’t cool I say but she ignores me and takes off her clothes
throwing them on the floor
I run my hand through my hair, wondering how long she’s gonna stay this time
I’ve worked so damn hard to forget
She lights up a cigarette and takes a long hard pull
head back, eyes closed
oblivious to me
Is this how it goes? You try to move on and just when you think you’re over it
past it, doing okay
This?
Not her really, not the soft-skinned, witty, insanely healthy woman
that once was mine
But the one that evolved after stage IV and chemo
and
We’re so sorry there’s not more we can offer
and
she was so young
and
God will get you through this
and
you can all go fuck yourselves
She lays her matted head down on the pillow and curls up into a ball
I cover her gently with a blanket and sit on the side of the bed
head in my hands
The tears left a long time ago but I still remember
that she smelled of lavender
And I’m trying not to forget
